Thoughts on love (3 of 5)


15 Tips for successful relationships

  1. Find someone like you. We often think that people who are opposite make better relationships–the idea that opposites attract. What research shows is, the majority of long-term relationships are between individuals who have same core beliefs and values, similar personalities, and are approximately the same height and attractiveness level.
  1. Don’t force love. Just like forcing someone to overeat makes us sick, forcing love makes the relationship sick.
  1. Your partner should be your best friend and the person you turn to for everything.
  1. Develop emotional security.
  1. If you fall in love with someone for who you want them to be, rather than for who they are, it’s like trying to make a hotdog into a steak. You will be very disappointed.
  1. When you get to the point that your relationship is perfect, don’t assume this means it will remain stable. We change, our environment changes, and perfect relationships obey these same laws. It too will change, with or without you.
  1. Communicate!! When working with individuals who were having a difficult time in their relationship, I often ask whether they express the same feelings to their partner, as they do with me. Usually, the answer is “no,” and right there is the key problem with the relationship.
  1. Know when to end the relationship. Often individuals know their relationship is over, at least on a subconscious level, years before it officially ends. Instead of accepting this, the couple often stays in the relationship until they end up completely hating and despising each other. Know when to say it’s over, especially when kids are involved.
  1. Always remember jealousy is normal and in ways can protect a relationship, but do not let it become a negative focus on the relationship. When your partner expresses jealousy, don’t just brush it off. Acknowledge how they feel and use that opportunity to assert your love for them.
  1. When you find that special someone, remember that love is our greatest prize in the time we have on this little planet. Enjoy it, nurture it, never underestimate its abilities, and at that moment when you are looking into each other’s eyes and feel that pure joy, keep it.
  1. Don’t be afraid of the words “I love you,” and develop trust. Remember the only person that can break you, is you? Be willing to let people in and see you for who you truly are. If they don’t like it, they are not worth it.
  1. Be willing to work. Your relationship should have the same if not more, effort than any other activities of life.
  1. Be authentic with each other and care for each other’s opinion.
  1. Conflict is an important aspect of a relationship. Don’t avoid it, but see it as a challenge. Successful resolution of conflicts leads to greater satisfaction in the relationship.
  1. Do things together. Each night should feel like a date night.

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Social Psychologist

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